5:58 p.m. - 2002-01-22
Back in May, my friend Ed and I wrote this short screenplay. I love it to death, because its hilarious!! That should tell you something. So, for your enjoyment, I present to you "ChicK" a short screenplay based on a day in my life!
Full Cast (In Order of Appearance):
STEPH
AMOS
LAUREN
TROY
JESSIE
CLERK
SHRUM
LORA
HEATHER
SAM
NELL
NIK
BRENT
DECKER
DEE
DAVE
(setting: STEPH's room. Small and messy with miscellaneous clutter littering the floor. Our heroine, STEPH, is asleep in her bed in one of those awkward "early morning" positions with limbs entangled in blanket with pillow tucked under arm and one on floor. Her mouth is open and a drool stain is present on the mattress. The phone rings and she stirs. It rings again and her eyes blink open. She groans and reaches for the cordless on her bedside table. The digital clock by her bed reads 8:00 am)
(groggily) Hello...?
(on the other line is AMOS, who is calling from a payphone somewhere)
(bright-eyed and bushy-tailed) Hey there, Sunshine!
(STEPH hangs up on him annoyed. The phone rings again, but she makes no effort to answer. On the third ring she finally answers.)
(irritably) What?
(same cheeriness) Aww... are we grumpy?
(mutters )
Yo, you haven't forgotten about today, have you?
(rolls over onto her side) Forgotten what?
(scoffs) To pick me up! I'm coming down, remember?
What day is it?
Tuesday.
(STEPH looks at the calendar by her bed, and on it is marked in large, red letters "Pick up Amos! Bus station, 5:00! Remember, stupid!")
Yeah, yeah. Bus station at five. I'll remember.
Promise?
Do rabbits eat people?
(laughs) Okay! See you later!
Bye.
(STEPH hangs up the phone and goes back to sleep.)
(The phone rings again. The time read on the digital clock display reads 11:00 am. STEPH's eyes blink open and she runs her hands down her face, sighing. The phone continues to ring. Growling, she answers.)
(resigned) Hello?
Are you sleeping?
Do monkeys have elbows?
WHAT???
Why did you call me so early?
Early? Its past 11. Wanna get some cheesecake this afternoon?
Do I!! YES! I'll meet you at Aroma's in about an hour, k?
Sounds like a plan. Later! (hangs up)
Mmmm….cheesecake….
(STEPH goes through the motions to prepare to go out. She then locks up her house and hops into her car. She drives down a town road, and her car stalls. The car tail-gating hers honks, and STEPH waves frantically for him to pass.)
(flailing) Go around! Go around!
(The car signals left and passes. As the windows of STEPH's and the tail-gater's cars align, a tense second of their eyes meeting in a glare passes. Shifting into neutral and putting the hazard lights on, she exits the car and tries to push it onto the shoulder. But to no avail. This is STEPH we're talking about here. TROY and JESSIE walk up to STEPH.)
TROY! What're YOU doing here?
I'unno. Walking and stuff.
(JESSIE blows bubbles)
Need help with your car?
Well, YEAH. Help me out already!
(The three push the car onto the shoulder. STEPH dials up the MECHANIC, having a pantomime conversation.)
(to TROY and JESSIE) He said they'll be here in like half an hour.
Don't have anything better to do, so I guess we'll wait with you. (turns to JESSIE) Alright?
(shrugs and blows bubbles detachedly) Sure.
(The three sit in awkward positions on and around STEPH's car, Whiz-bang. JESSIE dangles half in, half out of one of its windows.)
-so she grabbed onto my arm, pulled me outside, game me a toad and left. I poked it, the toad. I named it "Aww" ... awww... toad...! (giggles)
(All are silent for an awkward second)
Wanna go out for a mint?
(JESSIE and STEPH agree together "Yeah, sure. Okay!")
(The trio enter a convenience store and the CLERK behind the counter turns around. She's a young lady with an eye patch.)
(pleasantly waves) Hi!
(STEPH, JESSIE, and TROY stop in their tracks, simultaneously turn around and exit without saying a word.)
(Outside, TROY shakes his head)
I -HATE- that chick!
(To a flashback: film noire, silent movie with captions. A caption on the screen reads "2 Months Ago...")
(TROY is mouthing off at the CLERK, who back then didn't have an eye patch. STEPH looks bored and impatient, sighing disdainfully. JESSIE blows bubbles.)
"The price tag says $0.99!"
"I'm sorry, but it was a mistake. $2.39."
"No WAY am I paying that much for cake mix!"
(TROY makes a wide, spazzy gesture with his arms, accidentally hitting a Slim Jim display. A Slim Jim flies into the air and all four watch it fall back toward the ground. However, it lands in the CLERK's eye and she screams, panicking.)
"Aieeeee!"
(Similarly panicking, TROY, JESSIE, and STEPH run out of the store as fast as they can.)
(The trio of STEPH, JESSIE, and TROY walk down the street towards Mr. Mugs for frogurt)
Oh! Hey! You know what I just remembered?
Oh God, not that lobster story again...
(TROY continues despite STEPH's protest)
It was all like...
(Abrupt cut to a flashback; not film noire like the last one; of TROY in a wife-beater spazzing out because he has a lobster clamped onto his hand. JESSIE beats the lobster with a dictionary. Lobster removed, TROY sighs relieved. That is until he realizes that another one has clamped onto his OTHER hand. JESSIE attacks that one as well with TROY spazzing more.)
TROY! We've heard that stupid lobster story like a BAZILLION times! It's NOT funny!
Jessie thinks it's funny.
No...
(taken aback) What?
(They enter Mr. Mugs where a man named SHRUM is ranting loudly and obnoxiously about various topics)
(yelling) The way I see it, parents should have every right to kill their children as punishment. I mean, they brought the kids in, they should have every right to take em out. That should be a viable threat. Sheesh, parents today can't do anything. That's why kids are freaking nuts! (SHRUM glances at the counter help, who is motioning for SHRUM to leave) WHAT??? NO! I'M NOT LEAVING!!
(JESSIE's cell phone rings, and she answers it)
Hello? ... Yeah? ... Okay, hold on.
(JESSIE hands it to TROY) It's for you.
Hello? ... No way! ... No WAY! ... NO WAY! (slaps his knee excitedly) Oh. ... Okay, see you later. (Talk off.) We gotta go. Later!
(JESSIE and TROY make for the exit before STEPH can reply, as she is in mid-bite of her frogurt; spoon in mouth. The two side-step as SHRUM is "escorted" out of
Mr. Mugs.)
(Just then LORA, HEATHER, and SAM enter and approach Steph. She tells them the toad story and they all stare at her in silence)
O…k… um Steph? Are you okay? That story was something a hobo would tell you while standing on a street corner. Just a random display of insanity you know.
Yeah, you might want to consider not telling that, because it makes you seem insane
We gotta run…bye
(LORA, HEATHER, and SAM back away and leave)
(STEPH runs down the street in a panic. She runs offscreen past NELL who is playing a didjeridu for change. A styrofoam coffee cup is at her feet. A guy in an anorak, NIK, stops in front of NELL and begins to groove to the funky didjeridu beat. NELL stops playing expecting applause or praise, but all NIK says is...)
The dingo ate your baby.
(Miffed, NELL proceeds to beat NIK)
(STEPH is still running. BRENT is walking in the opposite direction that STEPH is running in, holding a "to-do" list in one hand and a brown paper grocery bag in another. BRENTlooks at the list while walking and STEPH looks over her shoulder. They collide. STEPH is knocked off her feet, the force makes BRENT drop his grocery bag. Cans of beets roll out onto the pavement. BRENT is shocked. STEPH is freaked out and bolts. Much like a widdle bunny...)
(BRENT stares at his beets. A guy walks by and BRENT grabs him by the shoulders)
(seriously) She made me drop my beets...! She made me drop my beets!
(Rapidly losing stamina, STEPH collapses onto a bench at a bus stop. Sitting on it are two others: a guy with a German/yodeller's hat and a young lady wearing a black beret.)
(The guy in the German hat cocks his head slightly and glances at the panting STEPH out of the corner of his eye.)
(in a faux German accent) I AM WAITING FOR A BUS.
(A pause. STEPH simply stares ahead as if she is told by numerous German tourists daily that they are waiting for their buses.)
(The girl in the beret sitting on the opposite side of DECKER leans over his lap, facing STEPH.)
Number Nine. Number Nine. Number Nine.
(DECKER nudges DEE with an elbow to her side.)
(in German) "Cut it out! You are acting strange again."
(DEE sits back in the bench and mutters.)
(in German) "Sorry."
(STEPH walks down the sidewalk with head lowered kicking stray beer caps into the gutter. A car honks and pulls up beside her. Driving it is TROY with JESSIE in the passenger seat with a lobster clamped onto her nose, squirming.)
Hey! Need a lift?
Yeah! You are SO my hero, Troy!
(She gets in, SAM is passed out on the other side behind TROY. STEPH shuts the
door and leans over the front seat.)
(to JESSIE) Um... do you know you have lobster on your nose?
YES! Get it off! Get it off!
(The car pulls away from the sidewalk, a loud snapping sound is heard offscreen followed by JESSIE's dubbed scream, implying that STEPH's lobster removal operation was successful.)
(STEPH exits her car and takes out her house key. Walking up to the walkway she finds AMOS and LAUREN sitting on her front steps eating sandwiches and playing Game Boy. AMOS's suitcase is beside him.)
(AMOS looks up from his game.)
And where were -you-?
(STEPH sighs, and strikes up a pose with one arm akimbo, the other slightly bent with palm facing up like a waitress profferring change.)
You wouldn't BELIEVE what happened to me today!
(Something dawns on her, she then poses with both hands on hips towering imperiously above AMOS as if he owed -her- an explanation. Which he sort of does.)
And where have YOU been?
(AMOS takes a bite out of his sandwich, gives STEPH the "just a sec" sign, swallows, and pauses his game.)
That's an interesting story! Well you see, I-
(He trails off as the camera zooms away, LAUREN and AMOS' gesticulations are seen as they explains their stories.)
THE END!
Mood: Giggly
Song of the day: At the time this was written, Fool Now by Tuuli was on, so that's the song of the day. Its neat.
Mystery Bathroom Smell of the Day: I dunno, but I don't like it. Its gross and mysterious. Blah
Current Music:
tales of interest - bawk bawk chicken bone, bawk bawk chewey
2004-10-25 - i have done and mooooved
2004-04-24 - its alive!!!
2004-03-07 - bloody hell!
2004-02-18 - ranty rant rant rant
2004-01-14 - snow doom car happy yay!