9:43 a.m. - 2001-10-30
Why is it that everything falls aprt all at once. The person I would turn to, the one who is supposed to be there for me is not. She is to wrapped up in her new found animosity toward me. I tried to tell her what I was going through, what I was feeling and she told me I was being selfish. Well fuck. I am going through a rough time and I thought that if there was one person i could talk to about it, who could help me out it would be my best friend. But no, that's far to selfish of me to assume such a thing. I can't understand it for the life of me. I always thought that the role of a best friend was to comfort eachother in their time of need, to make eachother laugh, to share inside jokes, to steal Christams ornaments with...
But I guess I was wrong. I guess the point of our frindship was for me to help her with her problems and then leave her alone. I suppose that's all it was. Oh, and of course to drive her to concerts. I suppose that was my purpose too. I was a car ride. Lucky me. I'm so glad that I have one person who will let me whine and bitch to them, but I feel bad for that. He says it's no big deal, that I can whine to him whenever I want to, and that makes me feel good that he is willing to let me bitch about this. I need that right now. But I wish I didn't have to whine to anyone. I wish that this would just work itself out somehow. But I don't understand it, I don't understand how my best friend can know so little about me.
It's not concievable to force me to be all sunshine and lollipops every minute of every day. It's insane actually. To assume that I can be that is to force me to live upto expectations that I will inevitably fall short of. Yes, it is true that I am a generally happy go lucky kinda girl. If you read any of my older entries you will see this, and if you know anything about me you already know. But that means nothing because I am stll human and as a human I have a full emotional scale that I feel I should be free to excersise as I see fit. I don't think that is too much to ask. Is it?
Been under the gun, running the guns
Say how’d this world get so fucking fun all of a sudden?
Here’s a quarter for the phone
Why don’t you call someone and find out how it is we can all belong
To something that no one wants any part of
Song of the Day: Advertising on Police Cars - MGB
Current Music:
a bitter pill, is it better still - the rat who would be king
2004-10-25 - i have done and mooooved
2004-04-24 - its alive!!!
2004-03-07 - bloody hell!
2004-02-18 - ranty rant rant rant
2004-01-14 - snow doom car happy yay!